


Knocked Up

by someofthissomeofthat11011



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 23:05:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14436084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someofthissomeofthat11011/pseuds/someofthissomeofthat11011
Summary: Takes place in the book. At lunch one day, Garrett tells the table he’s throwing a small “pity party” for Bram because his dad knocked up his stepmom. Simon comes to a startling realization and decides to take their penpal relationship to the next level. I pushed up the timeline just a bit for this to work. Enjoy!





	Knocked Up

It is a dreary Monday and Simon can’t imagine how he is going to get through an entire week. He had been up late talking to Blue the night before. It was one of the rare nights where they were both on their email at the same time and were able to send several emails back and forth. He feels like his brain and his body are moving slower than usual because of it. It doesn’t help that Simon feels like he is in dire need of his winter break, but it is still two weeks away. It taunts him, promising him two glorious school-free weeks, but only if he gets through these next two weeks.

He just wants to be able to spend two weeks without worrying about schoolwork, without worrying that Martin might out him to the school, and without anything to distract him from Blue.

Garrett apparently feels wide awake as he saunters into the cafeteria. He sits down and a huge smile crosses his face as he extends his arms as if he’s preaching to his friends. “Okay, listen up. We’re going to have a small get together at my place on Friday. My parents are visiting my older brother, so I have the house to myself,” Garrett says with a huge smile. Simon smiles. Since Garrett’s brother went to school in California, his parents made a point to visit him at least once a month.

“Sweet,” Nick says excitedly. Simon isn’t the only one that is running on empty. They all are in desperate need of a break from school. “So how small are we talking?”

“We’re actually keeping it small. Probably just us and a handful of kids from the soccer team. We’re throwing Bram a pity party,” Garrett explains. He looks like he wishes it could be a rager and Simon realizes that it may have been Bram’s idea to keep it small.

“What’s wrong?” Simon asks, glancing at Bram. He doesn’t talk much, so Simon hadn’t realized at first, but he does seem kind of mopey. Bram just shrugs, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

“His dad knocked up his stepmom,” Garrett says when Bram didn’t make any attempt to respond.

Simon practically chokes on his Oreo. “Sorry,” he says in a raspy voice. He keeps coughing, trying to clear the unpleasant feeling of dry Oreos in his throat. His mind is spinning. It can’t be a coincidence. In just a handful of words, Simon had learned who Blue was. He closes his eyes. He has no idea what to do. He knows for a fact that Blue doesn’t want him to know who he is, but he doesn’t feel right sitting with this information. He also has a feeling that Bram knows who he is, because while he looks anxious, he doesn’t look surprised at Simon’s reaction.

Simon suddenly sits up straight, hit by a stroke of genius. “I’m going to get a drink of water,” he says hastily. No one questions him, even though he has a full bottle of water in front of him.

Simon doesn’t go to the water fountain. Instead, he goes to the library and borrows a piece of paper and a pen from the librarian.

 

_Blue,_

_I know who you are. I didn’t mean to find out, but I overheard someone talking about how your dad got your stepmom pregnant. I know you didn’t want me to know yet and I’m so, so, so sorry. I swear, I wasn’t trying to find you - at least not intentionally. But I feel like this is big, so I didn’t want to pretend I didn’t know._

_And if I’m being honest, I think you know who I am too. I don’t care if we can’t tell the school. I’m okay staying in the closet with you - it seems cozy in here anyway. Sorry. I’m suddenly wishing I hadn’t written in pen. I don’t have time to write another note._

_If this is too much for you, I’ll understand. We can keep talking via email. Just please don’t be mad and don’t disappear on me._

_Love, Jacques_

 

Simon doesn’t think it is the most eloquent note he has ever written, but there is something about a handwritten note that seems really appealing. Plus, he doesn’t think he can wait to send an email to Blue after play practice. He stops by Bram’s locker and slips his note through the top slot. He can’t help but stare at the locker for several moments after his note disappears into the darkness. It seems so final, more so than any of their emails have. Maybe because this is such a huge step for them or because there was no way he could get in Bram’s locker to take it back, but his heart is pounding and his hands feel sweaty just thinking about Bram reading the note.

The bell rings, pulling Simon from his thoughts. He ends up being late to class because he has to stop in the cafeteria to get his stuff. He doesn’t care for Algebra, so he isn’t all that upset to be late, but Mr. Warner isn’t quite as thrilled. In defense of Mr. Warner, this is Simon’s worst subject, so he probably should try to focus more in class.

Simon is surprised when Bram arrives nearly five minutes after he did. He hands Mr. Warner a late pass. Simon doesn’t think he is imagining that Bram intentionally avoids looking in his direction as he walks to his seat.

Simon’s heart feels like it is expanding and contracting in his chest as he studies Bram. He gives up on trying to pay attention in class and watches as Bram takes notes. Bram’s pencil never leaves his paper and he intermittently frowns as he tries to figure out the problem Mr. Warner is explaining. The period seems to fly by for Simon and when the bell rings, he nearly jumps in his seat.

Bram is out of the classroom before Simon even closes his notebook. Simon picks up all of his books and goes to his locker before study hall. When he opens his locker, a piece of lined paper slips out onto the floor. He shoves it in his bag and runs to study hall, his books long forgotten. He takes refuge in the back corner of the library and pulls out the paper, his heart beating a mile a minute.

 

_Jacques,_

_You were right about who I am. I kinda had my suspicions it was you for awhile and today at lunch I found out I was right. I guess this is one of those things that there’s no coming back from, huh? You can’t un-know who I am and I can’t forget who you are._

_I rewrote this note about 50 times during Algebra. At first, I thought I was going to tell you that this was too much. Then, I had this vision of us sending notes back and forth throughout the day, sharing more personal things than we have in our emails. I thought about being able to tell you how I didn’t retain a single word Mr. Warner said today or how cute you were when you choked on an Oreo earlier. It was a pretty funny thing to watch, even though I was terrified that you had figured out who I was. I thought about us having a way to talk during the school day when we can’t use our phones - it’s sometimes painful that they block the wireless here._

_We’ve been emailing for over four months and I think part of me is ready for a little more. I’m not ready to go on dates or be out to the world, but I’m ready to get to know you better. If you’re okay with that, I am too._

_Love, Blue_

 

Simon can almost feel himself hyperventilating. Bram is right, there is no coming back from this. After a moment, Simon can feel his cheeks stretching as the biggest smile crosses his face. Bram isn’t going to disappear. Even more than that, he is going to continue writing notes and sending emails to Simon. He is pretty sure this is what people mean when they say they feel like they’re on top of the world.

Simon’s hand is shaking as he crafts his response, but he can’t help himself. It is different sending emails to someone that doesn’t know his name or who he is. He hasn’t felt nearly as self-conscious in his emails. Part of that has to do with the fact that he can more adequately proofread an email, but an even bigger part has to do with the sudden loss of anonymity. He has to remind himself multiple times that Bram and Blue are the same person and if him sharing his most embarrassing memory didn’t send him running, there was little that would.

 

_Blue,_

_It almost feels weird writing Blue instead of your actual name. Now that I know who you are, it seems like pseudonyms should be behind us. But at the same time, I think I would be freaking out over putting my name in a letter. It makes it so much more real. I like the idea of anonymously sending letters during the school day - well, signing them anonymously at least. It almost makes me look forward to school._

_I can’t believe you were writing this during class. I’m only mortally embarrassed to admit that I was totally jealous that you could focus on your work when I was just a few feet away from you. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that totally missed what Mr. Warner was teaching us about factoring a difference of cubes - what does that even mean?_

_I’m ready for more too, but if you are open to it, I would like to propose a slight adjustment to us staying penpals. It seems silly that we are only going to talk through email or through these notes and I would really like to have an actual conversation with you. And I don’t mean in school. I’m not ready to be out either, so maybe we could do homework together one day? Just us. That wouldn’t be too suspicious, right?_

_If you’re not ready for that yet, I understand. It’s a big step for us and I’m ready to wait as long as I need to. It’s enough knowing who you are._

_Love. Jacques_

 

Simon asks to go to the bathroom and slips by Bram’s locker to drop off his note. He thinks he is a little more subtle than he had been at lunch. He smiles to himself as he realizes that he is going to get to keep doing this. He’ll likely be a professional at slipping notes into Bram’ locker within a matter of days. Simon feels like he could sing. Bram wants to keep writing him notes at school which makes him blush in a way an email never could.

Simon doesn’t get another response until the end of the day. He had run to his locker in between both of his other classes, but there had been no note. He had to remind himself that Bram is actually a good student and likely couldn’t get to Simon’s locker in an inconspicuous way during the afternoon.

That doesn’t stop his heart from thumping in relief when he opens his locker to see another piece of loose-leaf paper, folded perfectly and sticking out just slightly from the slit in his locker.

He doesn’t want to open it here, but he also doesn’t want to wait. He hastily gathers his stuff and practically runs to his car where he will be able to read the note in peace.

 

_Jacques,_

_I’m not ready for that yet. It’s not you it’s me (that sounds more like a breakup than I planned). I’m worried that once we do start talking in person, I won’t be able to stop. Not at school, not in front of our friends, not in front of random strangers at the library. I’m just not ready for things to change yet. But soon. Because I want that too._

_By the way, did you hear about Mr. Klein and Ms. Rodriguez? Who saw that coming?_

_Love, Blue_

 

He understands where Bram is coming from. It will be hard to be friends… or more than friends in private and then have to slip back into the role of casual acquaintances at school or in public. That line was blurred enough with them sending emails and notes to each other and Simon has a feeling that it is inevitable that things will drastically change between them once they do start hanging out.

He carefully folds the note back up, starts his car, and drives home. His thoughts are only on Bram.

He gets home and picks up right where they left off.

 

_Blue,_

_I know right? Our poor janitor probably never expected to catch two grown teachers making out in the supply closet._

_And no worries about being ready. I’m just excited to know who you are. We can take this as slow as you need to._

_I do have to admit though, I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for your dad’s sexcapades. If he hadn’t knocked your stepmom up with Little Fetus… well, I don’t think I would have ever guessed who you are. How’s everything going with that? Have you talked to your dad since he told you?_

_Love, Jacques_

 

Simon presses send and pulls out his homework, hoping that the motivation to do well in school will resurface soon.

The next two weeks are a blur of fake bathroom breaks to slip notes into each other’s lockers, trying not to blush while reading letters in class, pretending to take notes while really drafting a response, and alternating between handwritten notes and emails. Simon is beginning to feel antsy. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to sit at the same lunch table as Bram and not tease him or talk to him about some of the stuff in their notes.

The last day of school before winter break rolls around and Simon finds himself staring at a note that has been left in his locker. The bell had long since rang, but Simon can’t make himself go to lunch.

 

_I think I’m ready for a little more. What do you say that we meet at my place tonight? I know that I said I didn’t want things to change, but we’ll have two weeks to figure out how to make this work. I can’t stand seeing you in school and pretending that I barely know you when I feel like I know you better than I know myself. It’s too hard for me._

_Love, Blue_

 

Someone slams their locker shut, pulling Simon from his thoughts. He had started to worry that Bram would never want to do more than write notes or emails and the fact that he is inviting him over, makes Simon’s heart thump so loudly he is pretty sure the whole school must be able to hear it. He rips off the corner of one of the blank pages in his notebook.

 

_YES!!!!_

 

He feels like he should write more, but it feels irrelevant to him. He is going to see Bram tonight. He is going to have a conversation with Bram, one that doesn’t involve their friends or classmates. Simon can’t wait. He slips it into Bram’s locker and walks to lunch.

He is distracted the rest of the day, but so is Bram. During lunch, Garrett has to ask Bram three times if he is going to eat his carrots before Bram hears him. Simon is grateful when the lunch bell rings, dismissing him to Algebra.

Bram is late again and when he walks in, he shoots Simon a nervous smile. It is subtle, so subtle Simon doubts anyone else will notice, but it means the world to him. Simon returns the smile before Bram takes his seat.

Simon really tries to focus on the math Mr. Warner is teaching him, but he can’t stop thinking about tonight.

Every minute of class is agony. When the bell finally rings, Simon gathers his stuff and resigns himself to three more periods that feel like they are intentionally dragging on just to build up the anticipation of tonight.

He gets lucky when Abby is unprepared for gym class and spends the period in study hall with him. “So what has you in such a good mood?” She asks as she observes him. He’s spent the last ten minutes alternating between smiling and smiling really big.

“Nothing,” Simon says, turning bright red.

“Oh my gosh! It’s a guy isn’t it? Is it the guy?” Abby asks excitedly.

Simon groans and glances around to make sure no one is within eavesdropping distance. He doesn’t regret coming out to Abby, but he does regret telling her about Blue. The week before at Bram’s pity party, while they were getting some fresh air, Abby had drunkenly asked him if there were any guys he was into and Simon had drunkenly answered her truthfully. “I’m meeting him tonight,” Simon admits.

“And you still won’t tell me who he is?” Abby confirms. She had pouted when Simon told her at the party that he wouldn’t tell her who his mystery man was, but she understood his reasons.

“Not until he makes the decision to come out,” Simon answers.

“Which has to be soon, right? I mean you’re going on a date tonight,” Abby points out.

“It’s not a date,” Simon says hastily. “We’re just meeting at his house.”

Abby rolls her eyes. “Please. It’s a date.”

“It’s not. We’re just going to meet in person and hang out,” Simon protests.

“Oh honey. You are so naive,” Abby says. She giggles and kisses his forehead. It’s never a romantic gesture with her and it kind of reminds Simon of the way his great aunt used to kiss him when she came to visit, except it isn’t as creepy.

Simon hears someone gasp and looks up to see Martin shooting daggers at them. Simon glances sideways at Abby who looks guilty about something.

When Martin turns to walk away, Simon quickly stands up. He’s not sure what he says to Abby, but he quickly scrambles after Martin. There is something in his expression that makes Simon think he needs to talk.

“Everything okay?” he asks when he ducks into the row of bookshelves Martin is hiding in. Martin’s arms are crossed and he looks furious about something.

“So I guess you think this is all hilarious?” Martin says. There isn’t the slightest bit of humor in his voice.

“What?” Simon asks cluelessly.

“Were you trying to embarrass me? I get you weren’t all that thrilled about our arrangement-” Martin starts to say.

“Our arrangement?” Simon interrupts. “You say that as if you weren’t blackmailing me. I, like most human beings, wasn’t ‘thrilled’ about being blackmailed.” Simon can’t help his use of the air quotes, but he is really frustrated with Martin. He seems mad for no apparent reason.

“I wasn’t blackmailing you,” Martin says in a quiet voice.

“You’re right. You were just forcing me to do something that I didn’t want to do in exchange for keeping a secret you had no freaking right to… wait, there’s a word for that. Oh yeah. It’s called freaking blackmail,” Simon whispers in an angry voice.

“Well, you can forget about the whole goddamn thing because this Abby thing is over,” Martin hisses.

“Did something happen?” Simon thinks he notices a hint of actual sorrow underneath Martin’s anger.

“Yes, something fucking happened. She rejected me. No thanks to you.”

Simon can’t help but stare. He’d had no idea. “When?” Simon asks.

“About fifteen minutes before she decided to drape herself all over you,” Martin says angrily.

Simon’s mouth actually drops and for a second he has difficulty catching up to what Martin is implying. “Just in case this little tidbit escaped you, I am gay. It’s what got me into this mess in the first place. And Abby knows that I’m gay. She doesn’t like me like that.”

“Save it. I don’t want to hear it.” Martin spins around and runs from the library. Simon considers following him, but figures there’s nothing he can say to make him feel better.

“What was that about?” Abby asks as Simon rejoins her.

Simon shrugs. “I dunno.” His voice is barely a whisper because he can’t wrap his head around what just happened.

Between Martin and the anticipation of their evening, Simon feels like the next three hours of school drag on and on and on.

When the bell finally rings, Simon grabs his stuff from his locker. There is a short note in his locker.

 

_6:00. See you soon._

 

Those words are enough to make Simon’s heart thump. He has three hours to kill. He almost wishes he had play practice just so he would have something to distract him. He doesn’t though, so he goes home and tries on every outfit in his closet. He’d seen his older sister turn her bedroom into a war zone before countless dates, but he’d never understood it until now. As he looks around at the clothing scattered throughout his bedroom, he groans in frustration. He has nothing appropriate to wear. What says ‘it’s a date, but only if you want it to be a date’ and makes him look nice, but not too nice?

He flops down against his bed. He blames Abby. She got in his head.

He checks his email every couple of minutes even though he knows Bram won’t be sending him anything. He double, triple, and quadruple checks the time on the note, just to make sure that he got it right.

He finally settles on a blue t-shirt and dark pants. It seems appropriate to go with blue. He considers donning a hoodie, but decides against it. He tends to retract inside it when he’s uncomfortable and that’s the last thing he wants to do tonight.

He’s in his car by 5:30, trying to figure out ways to kill time until it will be acceptable to arrive at Bram’s house. He doesn’t want to awkwardly linger outside of Bram’s house as he watches the minutes tick by, so he waits fifteen excruciating minutes in front of his house before he makes the drive. He ends up being two minutes late because he hit every red light and nearly sends himself into a panic thinking that he’s going to look like a flake for being late.

He rings Bram’s doorbell and after a minute, Bram answers it. He’s in a green shirt and deep blue jeans. He looks handsome and Simon can tell he’s put on some type of cologne because he smells like heaven. Simon suddenly thinks Abby may have been right when she called this a date. Simon wonders if he should tell Bram he looks nice, but before he can Bram steps aside and ushers him inside.

“So, I guess we’re doing this huh?” Simon internally cringes. That was about as smooth as crunchy peanut butter.

Bram chuckles nervously. “Yeah,” he says. “I have to admit, I didn’t think I would be able to go through with it, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I came out to my dad last night and my first thought was that I couldn’t wait to tell you. I didn’t want to write you a note about it or send you an email, I wanted to tell you in person. Then I realized, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” Bram’s slight rambling is the only indication that he’s nervous.

“That’s freaking amazing,” Simon tells him. He almost feels guilty because he hadn’t even come close to coming out to his family. Something dawns on him. “You’re as ready as you’ll ever be?”

Bram studies him for a moment before he understands. “I don’t want to be out to the school or anything like that, but I’m ready to be something more with you.”

“What does that mean?” Simon’s face scrunches up in confusion. He hasn’t had to think this much since math class.

“What do you want it to mean?” Bram doesn’t take his eyes off of Simon. Simon feels like this is a pivotal moment for them. He doesn’t want to be too forward, but at the same time, he wants to be honest with Bram.

Simon squirms a little, suddenly very aware that they are still lingering right next to Bram’s front door. “Is this a date?” He looks at the wall behind Bram as he waits for his answer.

“Do you want it to be a date?” Bram asks.

“Do you?” Simon counters.

“Yes,” Bram finally admits. “That’s what I was hoping tonight would be.”

Simon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Me too,” he whispers.

They both smile at each other for a moment, filled with relief. “Are you hungry?” Bram asks.

“A little,” Simon admits. He barely touched his lunch because he was so distracted about tonight. He follows Bram through a door and stops dead when he sees what he walked into.

The first things he registers are the candles. There are two on the table and the lights are dimmed just enough that they send flickering light throughout the dining room. Then he notices the food on the table and can’t help but smile. Bram must have ordered pizza, because there were two slices of pizza on paper plates on either side of the candles. The candles seem a little fancy compared to the paper plates, but Simon thinks they’re perfect.

“Is it too much?” Bram asks nervously when Simon doesn’t react.

“I think it’s the right amount of much,” Simon manages to say. He suddenly feels very warm as he thinks about how much trouble Bram went through.

“Are you sure?” Bram asks. He’s studying Simon as if waiting for him to turn and run.

“I’m sure. I think this is beyond perfect,” Simon assures him. “I can’t believe you did this.”

“Well, I wanted this to be special,” Bram says with a shrug.

He and Simon take their seats. “I’m curious. If I had said I didn’t want this to be a date, what would you have done?” Simon asks as they begin to eat.

“The other four slices of pizza are in a box in the kitchen,” Bram tells him. He’s smiling mischievously and all Simon can think is that he wants to see that smile again. “If this wasn’t a date, we would have eaten in there.”

Simon chuckles. “Smart.”

“I have my moments.” Bram shrugs, but Simon can see he looks pleased with himself.

“So you told your dad? How’d it go?” Simon asks.

“Pretty good. He didn’t really say much. Just that he loved me no matter what and that he thinks he read somewhere that Casanova is bisexual.” Bram rolls his eyes as Simon laughs.

“You’re freaking kidding me,” Simon says. “You’re dad sounds amazing.”

“He is… and a little awkward, but all things considered, I don’t think it could have gone better.” Bram smiles contentedly. “How about you? Have you thought about coming out to your family?”

“I was thinking sometime after Christmas,” Simon tells him. “I think I want one more normal holiday with them before this changes things. Plus, my sister will be home from college until New Years, so I’ll be able to tell them all at once.”

“That sounds like a good plan.” Bram has a gentle smile on his face, a smile that makes Simon think he understands wanting to have one more holiday together.

They finish eating their pizza and Bram disappears inside the kitchen. He returns with a small plate filled with Oreos and Reese’s. “I don’t think a more perfect dessert exists anywhere in this world,” Simon comments. Bram really did go above and beyond for this.

“I was going to make brownies, but I didn’t have much time and I thought you would appreciate this more,” Bram explains.

“You got that right,” Simon says as he grabs a Reese’s. He takes a bite and sighs happily. It takes him a minute to notice that Bram is staring at him. He feels self-conscious as he wonders if he somehow managed to get pizza grease on his shirt or something. “What’s wrong?”

Bram bites his lip. “I really want to kiss you.” His voice is barely audible and he looks like he feels embarrassed for admitting that.

Simon is barely aware of the blush that spreads across his face. “Then kiss me.”

He doesn’t take his eyes off of Bram as they lean in towards each other. He feels like they’ve waited months for this exact moment. Just as they are about to kiss, Simon’s phone rings.

“You’ve got to be freaking kidding me. We’re not done here,” he warns Bram as he pulls out his phone. His face scrunches up with confusion. “It’s Nora. She never calls me.” He answers his phone.

“Simon?” Nora asks. Simon feels the blood draining from his face. She sounds frantic and stuffy as if she had just been crying about something. Something's wrong.

“What’s wrong?” He asks. Bram stiffens next to him when he hears the urgency in his voice.

“You need to check the Tumblr,” she says.

“You called me to tell me to check the Tumblr?” Simon asks incredulously.

“Please Si. Check creeksecrets. And do it now,” Nora urges. She hangs up on him.

“That’s weird,” Simon says. The different parts of his brain were fighting with one another. Part of him knows he has to check creeksecrets, but another part of him wants nothing more than to finish the kiss he and Bram almost started. He groans. “Can I use your laptop?”

“Sure,” Bram says. He looks as disappointed as Simon feels. Simon follows him to his bedroom. He feels like this should be a sacred moment that he should take his time to appreciate. Seeing Bram’s bedroom will be like seeing into his soul. He unfortunately doesn’t have the time, but he does his best to memorize as much of Bram’s bedroom as he can as Bram turns on his laptop.

Bram gasps as he opens something on his computer. “Simon?” Bram asks. There’s something in his voice that makes Simon want to pretend that he couldn’t hear him.

But he did hear him and he knows that Bram knows that. “Yeah?” His voice sounds breathless.

“You need to see something.” Bram holds out his laptop to Simon. Simon guesses it’s a good thing he doesn’t let go, because Simon loses his grip on it the second he reads the post. Bram’s laptop would have toppled to the ground if he hadn’t been holding it.

Simon feels shocked. There’s nothing else going through his head except pure disbelief that this has actually happened. The words on the screen swim in front of his face.

 

_ATTENTION ALL MALE STUDENTS AT CREEKWOOD HIGH_

_I, Simon Spier, hereby decree that I am supremely gay and open for business. This is my open invitation to all dudes at Creekwood High. I am single and ready to mingle. Interested parties may contact me directly for buttsex and blue-jobs. Ladies need not apply._

 

Simon stares and stares and stares. He can’t form a coherent sentence, no matter how hard he tries. He feels like his world is simultaneously spinning and standing still. He forgets to breathe and when he remembers, it comes out like a choked sob. And then he loses it.

He somehow finds himself sitting on the floor. He wraps his arms around his legs and tries to pretend that his world isn’t ending. He knows that this will be too much for Bram. They are over before they actually got to start anything. He is going to have to tell his family… well the rest of his family. He hates that Nora found out this way. She didn’t deserve that. By now, all of his friends must know. School is going to be a nightmare when he goes back.

Even more than knowing that he was going to have to face a lot of awkwardness, was this piercing feeling of loss. He knows that hypothetically this shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it was to him. He felt like something was stolen from him. He should have had the right to start something with Bram and come out when both of them were ready. He should have had the right to control the narrative. Martin took that from him.

The sobs that wrack his body are big and painful. He doesn’t think he will ever be able to calm down.

After a couple of minutes, he becomes aware of something squeezing him. At first, he thinks that it’s a side effect of his world combusting, but then he hears the voice.

“It’s okay. I’m right here,” Bram whispers over and over again. Simon allows himself to lean back into Bram’s chest. Bram’s hold on him only tightens and Simon brings his hands up to hold Bram’s arms to him. He doesn’t want Bram to ever let go.

Eventually he cries himself out. He feels sleepy and wants nothing more than to fall asleep in the comfort of Bram’s embrace, but he forces himself to pull away from Bram, knowing he can’t delay the inevitable. He doesn’t have room to feel embarrassed about what just happened. He twists so he’s facing Bram. He’s about to apologize and tell Bram he understands that nothing can happen between them now. So he’s surprised when Bram kisses his forehead. “Better?” He asks quietly.

Simon shrugs. “A bit.”

“How did this happen?” Bram is studying Simon. He has never seen Simon like this before, though he doesn’t blame him for the breakdown. Bram thinks his reaction was completely reasonable given that Martin had just outed him to the entire world.

“Martin,” Simon admits. “He took screenshots of my emails before Halloween and has been blackmailing me for months.”

“Months?” Bram asks incredulously. “And you didn’t tell me.” He closes his eyes. He wasn’t trying to make this about him, and he takes a deep breath to calm himself down.

Before he can apologize, Simon speaks. “I didn’t want you to disappear. You were - and hopefully still are - the one person I could talk to about anything. I did what Martin asked me to do because I wanted to keep you safe.”

Now Bram feels guilty. “It’s okay,” he says sincerely. “I probably would have done the same thing. I was just surprised to hear you’ve known for such a long time. You don’t need to tell me stuff like that.”

“But I want to.” Simon looks down at the floor. “I want to be the person that should tell you stuff like that. If this is too much, okay. But in the slightest chance that it’s not… I promise I won’t keep anything like this from you again.”

Bram lifted Simon’s head so he was looking in his eyes. “It’s not too much.”

This time, nothing stopped them. When they finally kissed, Simon’s eyes fluttered shut. Bram’s kiss was impossibly gentle. It made Simon feel like he was a Disney princess. Simon has never kissed a guy before and he has his suspicions that this is Bram’s actual first kiss, but it doesn’t show. Simon can’t imagine that kissing gets much better than this.

When they break apart, they are both flushed and there’s a wild look in their eyes. “Wow,” Simon says. “I don’t want to stop.”

“Then don’t.” There’s almost a desperation behind Bram’s words and Simon is all too eager to listen to him.

When they break their kiss again, it’s because Bram’s phone is ringing. It’s his mother checking in on him. She is visiting his aunt and seems to think he is going to throw a wild and crazy party while she is gone.

After he assures her he is not throwing a party, he tells her that Simon is over and they hang up. “She says you’re welcome to stay the night,” Bram says nonchalantly.

Simon stiffens. “Do you think we’re ready for that?” He asks. He doesn’t want to scare Bram away, but he knows he’s not ready.

Bram studies him and looks flustered when he realizes what his words implied. “That’s not what I meant. I literally meant just like a sleepover. Just sleep - the eyes-closed and snoring kind of sleep,” he assures Simon. “I know we’re not ready for anything more than that.”

Simon sighs in relief. “Oh, okay.” He can’t help but laugh. “I’m glad we’re on the same page as each other.”

“So…” Bram waits for an answer.

“I would love to spend the night and do the eyes-closed and snoring kind of sleep with you,” Simon teases.

Bram rolls his eyes. “You should let your parents know,” he says.

Simon dutifully picks up his phone and calls his mom. She warns him to be home before they go to the airport to pick up Alice and he promises he will be.

Simon unintentionally lied. He arrives home right around dinner time. He doesn’t mean to be so late, but despite Bram’s assurance that they would be sleeping-just sleeping the night before, the sun had come up long before they had gone to sleep, so Simon hadn’t woken up until almost 3pm.

His whole family is sitting at the dinner table. Simon walks in and his parents and sisters go quiet. Alice is wearing sweatpants and a baggy sweater. She doesn’t look angry with him, but looks surprised that he is out so late. Nora is looking at the table and plays with the edge of the tablecloth. He had called his mom when he woke up, so at least she knew where he had been, but that didn’t stop the stony expression on her face. Simon knows that he can’t delay this. He needs to tell them. Plus, he figures they’re already mad at him so it can’t get much worse.

“I need to talk to all of you about something,” Simon says. He’s pretty sure he didn’t make any sound, so he tries again. This time he is able to faintly hear himself.

He doesn’t speak for another minute, something that clearly makes his family worried. His dad tries to ease the tension. “Let me guess,” he says. “You got someone pregnant? No, you’re pregnant?”

Simon cringes. He knows his dad means well and that he is joking, but if he thinks that there is even the slightest chance that Simon may have impregnated someone, he is going to be especially blindsided.

Simon’s reaction is not missed by his family. He hears his mom gasp. “Did you get someone pregnant?” She doesn’t sound like she’s asking a question and looks a little horrified.

“Is it Leah?” Alice asks. Her eyes are wide and worried. Nora is quiet, because she knows the truth. She doesn’t try to correct anyone, which doesn’t really surprise Simon, even if he’s kinda desperate for backup right now. This isn’t her battle.

Simon can only stare. In all the ways he imagined coming out to his family, he never thought they would think he got someone pregnant while he was trying to do it. “That’s literally the furthest from what I wanted to tell you. Leah’s not pregnant, no one’s pregnant… at least not by me. I’m gay.”

His family is silent for a long time. “So no one’s pregnant?” His mom finally says.

“No one,” he confirms. “As you can see, that’s not exactly on the table.”

“So, your gay,” his dad says. “Which of your old girlfriends turned you?”

Simon closes his eyes. “I’m a little tired. I’ll be in my room,” he says before he escapes. He hates to run away, but everything is happening too quickly and too soon. He feels like the only thing that can calm his mind is talking to Bram, so that’s what he does. Bram answers on the first ring.

“How’d it go?” He asks.

“Not well,” Simon admits. He lays back down on his bed and closes his eyes. He feels wide awake, but he would like nothing more than to succumb to sleep and leave behind his reality for a more preferable dream world. “Distract me.”

“Distract you… hmmm… okay, I got something. After you left, I called my dad. He told me that Little Fetus is apparently giving my mom some pretty bad morning sickness. They think it's a girl. Something about them stealing beauty and being more likely to cause morning sickness,” Bram tells him.

“I guess we’re dodging a bullet with the whole pregnancy thing, huh? You know, my family thought I got someone pregnant at first? They had no idea,” Simon says grumpily. He hears Bram laughing on the other end. “It’s not funny!” But he’s laughing too now, so he doesn’t sound as indignant as he had tried to.

“It kind of is,” Bram points out. “Especially since coming out is kind of the exact opposite of having gotten someone pregnant.”

“That’s what I said!” Simon is smiling now.

“I know… I stole that line from one of your emails.” Bram chuckles again and it makes Simon’s heart thump in his chest. “I guess we are dodging a bullet with that. We don’t exactly have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. From what my dad says, it seems really bad. Bad enough that I’m just going to visit him for the weekend instead of for the full week I was supposed to.”

“More time with me! I mean it sucks that your stepmom is so sick, but thank god for Little Fetus. Thank you your dad knocked up your stepmom. Is it weird that that’s not the first time I’ve said that?” Simon asks.

“Yes,” Bram says bluntly. “You’re a weird person, but I love you anyway.”

Simon sits up in his seat. “What?” He asks breathlessly.

“You’re a weird person?” Bram guesses.

“The other part,” Simon presses.

“I… I love you,” Bram whispers.

This isn’t how Simon imagined it happening. He had given it a lot of thought since he found out Bram was Blue and had always thought they would be together and it would be this deeply romantic moment. Despite that, Simon wouldn’t change a thing.

He is painfully aware of every heartbeat in his chest and he suddenly forgets how to talk. He doesn’t feel like it’s too soon. In a way, he feels like they’ve been dating for months and that this is long overdue.

“I love you too,” he manages after a long pause. He hears something fall over to his right and turns to see Alice sneaking out of his bedroom. He raises his eyebrows at her, his face bright red as he realizes what she’s just heard. She shakes her head and leaves him alone in his bedroom.

“I wish I could see you right now,” Bram says quietly. “It feels so weird to tell you I love you and not be able to kiss you.”

“I know what you mean,” Simon admits. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“My mom’s getting in tomorrow afternoon, but I’m free other than that.”

“Then I suggest we have breakfast at your place tomorrow and we can say this again and… do the like.” Simon grins to himself.

“One time. I say that one time,” Bram groans.

Simon falls back against his bed. “So you love me. What does that make us?”

“I wish I had an answer for you,” Bram says apologetically. “I don’t know if I’m ready for the school to know about me yet.”

“Okay,” Simon says. He had figured as much.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Simon says quickly. “It’s not your fault I’m out like this. If I weren’t out, I wouldn’t have wanted to tell anyone at school yet, so I get it.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” Bram asks.

It’s a hypothetical question, but Simon answers him anyway. “I don’t know, but I can think of a few things you can do to keep deserving me.”

“Mind out of the gutter Spier,” Bram says. He sounds a little flustered.

“I just meant you could spend more time with me. Whose mind is in the gutter now?” Simon teases. Simon can practically feel Bram rolling his eyes.

The next two weeks pass in a similar way. When Simon isn’t at play practice they are together and they spend almost every night talking on the phone until they fall asleep.

Too soon, their two-week vacation from reality is over. “Are you ready for school tomorrow?” Bram asks from the edge of Simon’s bed.

“Not really, but I don’t have much of a choice.” He sighs. His parents had already told him that the only way he was getting out of school was if he was on his deathbed. “I’m just glad I have you. I feel like I can get through the day as long as I know I’ll get to see you after school.”

“About that. We need to talk,” Bram says.

Simon is suddenly filled with dread. “You don’t need to say it. I get it. I told you this when it first came out; I completely understand that it’s too much,” Simon says. He tries to keep the tremble out of his voice, but isn’t successful. He feels a familiar burning sensation in the back of his throat and it’s taking everything in his power not to cry.

Bram grabs his hand. “You know Simon, for someone who is as smart as you, you can really be stupid sometimes.” His words are too gentle to be insulting. “I just wanted to show you something. I need your laptop.”

Simon hands it over and watches as Bram navigates to creeksecrets. Bram scrolls down and then passes Simon his laptop. Simon worries that it’s another post from Martin so it takes him a minute to muster the courage to read the post.

 

_Dear “Dudes of Creekwood High”,_

_Two weeks ago, someone posted to this very site and outed Simon as being gay. This person implied that Simon was “open for business.” I would like to clear the air. Simon is not “single and ready to mingle.” He is not issuing an open invitation to anyone. Simon is undeniably taken, so “interested parties” will have to take their interests elsewhere._

_For a long time, I was ashamed to be who I am, but thanks to Simon I’m not so afraid anymore. Simon and I were fortunate enough to find each other._

_Many of you may be thinking that Simon is wrong for being gay or may even think he’s an easy target. If you are one of those people, remember this: love gives us strength. Love gives us power. I am in love with Simon Spier and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him._

_Bram_

 

Simon doesn’t care that there are tears in his eyes. He turns to Bram. He doesn’t have the words to express his gratitude adequately, so he kisses Bram with a newfound intensity. Somehow, that speaks louder than if he had tried to express himself through words.

Simon allows himself to get caught up in the perfection of the moment. He never wants it to end and realizes that, at least for now, it doesn’t have to.

When he breaks the kiss, he turns to Bram. “Thank god your dad knocked up your stepmom,” Simon jokes.

“This would have happened anyway,” Bram says with confidence.

“I dunno. I can be pretty oblivious when… well always,” Simon points out. “And if Garrett hadn’t told us your stepmom was pregnant, we may never have started leaving notes in our lockers… and then we may not have had our really weird first date.”

“Okay, okay,” Bram laughs. “You’re right. Thank god my stepmom is…” Bram winces.

“Say it,” Simon says with a smile.

“Thank god she’s knocked up.”

“There. Was that so hard?” Simon asks.

“I guess not.” Bram looks at Simon. He knows that with Simon in his life, nothing would be too difficult for them to handle.


End file.
